she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
