Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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