During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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