You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
