Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
not ubering you a puppy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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