I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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