I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
