The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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