after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
