I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
