no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
