just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
