I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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