i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
