Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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