3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
