If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
