I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
