Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
