how can u be prego again
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
