ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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