i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
