The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
