Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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