Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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