Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
