Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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