The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
