sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
