Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
