she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
