did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
a search helicopter?!
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
