you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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