I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
