Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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