It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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