a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
People in love make me want to vomit
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
