I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
