just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
