he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
