I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
