Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
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im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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