I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
