Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
