Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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