The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
