I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
