I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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