Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
