the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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