If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
