A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Boobs are out for the taking
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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