I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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