Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
