i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
