If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
