from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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