Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
